whatta day!

1 pack of yosi. 2 liters of lipton green tea. a txt. a dream. an email. a mishu and smiley faces. 15 hour-long work. upcoming 10 day-vacation. perfect tunes in my lauchcast. first wedding pictures. a boracay hangover. whatta day...i'm so alive. whatta month, whatta year...

a few more days and i feel its still got some surprises up its sleeve.

haven't had a happy christmas yet...this may be it.

made my day

hahaha oki ba? CMT night at pisay dorm in 4th year high school...

(woke up early. cheered for a teammate. made a scheduled visit. got a pinch in the arm. learned that my good friend jim will be a supervisor soon. saw this picture to end my day.)

i finally have a new cellphone.

my previous one was stolen. this time, i've chosen it myself. i didn't get it for free. but still, had a lot of help getting it. this time, i know, it is the one for me...

i forgot when my last terrible weekend was. if there were any this year, one was surely this past weekend.

i went home early on saturday to find my cell phone missing. unexpectedly, it was stolen. by someone i knew who was already gone. in my home. my sister-in-law felt dumbfounded. i looked it. and slept through it.

sunday came and there was never a day this whole year that i've made and been plagued by as many bad choices as i have that day.

woke up early. decided to surf the web for the nearest pal ticketing ofc, get a reservation number from an email, then buy my ticket to paradise a.ka. boracay. what was i thinking?! the nearest pal ofc was in front of the mall i frequent to eat breakfast after work. the mall where i was surfing. and i never thought it would be closed on a sunday!

i was forced to go to the airport to buy the ticket. it sounded better than waking up early the next morning to go back to that ofc i overlooked. but i had to windowshop for a phone first.

the line was long at the airport and agents there were so slow. it was almost 1pm and my brother told me we'd go to the mall after lunch to buy a new phone. there were still 60 people ahead of me and about 20 people's tickets were processed every hour. my temper took its toll and i decided to wing it. so i went home. the phone was the priority before the ticket. the ticket would still be available for purchase the following day anyways. the phone is on limited offer.

i got home. starving. there was a small construction for a drainage system in the house. men were working on it. they started when i left. my brother said we'd leave at about 4pm. should've thought of that. should've thought of that. and there was no food left. and i still haven't had sleep for the hours when i should be getting them.

we left for the mall late in the afternoon. we stopped at abensons where they had a 12-month installment for all items. i planned to get the phone i've been eyeing for a long time. sony ericsson K750i. with 2 megapixel camera, video, and mp3. and it comes in black. it would only be 2200 every month. not bad at all for a dream phone. what's bad news is that they will be making a debit from my bro's card in full. and who doesn't need his/her credit? it'll take out all credit that's left in my bro's card.

i won't be getting my dream phone after all. and so, we left the mall temporarily to get my niece from school. we should have gotten to her first before going to the mall. but that wasn't my decision. hehe. and then, we went back.

the second option was to get a line phone. not the prepaid one. and not just a unit. it was supposed to be more cost effective. i looked up the price earlier and i can afford it. the model was one-step down from the phone i want and came in silver. it was 8000+ upfront for the unit. 800 every succeeding months for the phone service. still not so bad. until we got to the requirements. i wasn't able to get them earlier. my brother said i didn't do my homework. we'd have to wait until next weekend to apply for it. ok. my sister-in-law described plainly how i felt that time. pissed. hands up in resignation.

then we went to the grocery/mall. still starving and aching to buy food right away. i'll pay for it. but we had to make a stop at the topmost floor to exchange perfumes my brother bought the other day. in that same floor was a cell phone shop. my brother asked if i checked it out earlier. i didn't. i expected it to cost a lot more than i could afford. i'd have to pay for the whole price of the unit upfront. no doubt about it. but then i looked anyway. and there it was. the magic price to pay. 8500 upfront by credit card. a phone unit that's far from the one i really want but got everything i needed and almost has the same look as what i've thought of. it didn't come in black. it was simple. and it was gray. they had to get another unit from another branch. the person before me got the last one in the store. and that's where i saw it from. it wasn't on display anymore. i liked it right away. we bought it right away. and had dinner. and i paid for it. dearly.

as for the sim, it came for free. touch mobile.

i feel it's just a preview of things to come, don't you think?

confessions of a celebrity poker addict

i always thought that life is a gamble. what i've realized is, you have to know when to fold, how to bluff, what to bet, and when to go all-in.

and for a time, i knew for sure i was right...

until i saw how dennis rodman played.

rodman gave-up cards that could have been played and bet high on cards that no one else would thought of playing. when only 2 players were left out of 5, the other player, who was already short-stacked, got a King-7 and went all-in. those are definitely good cards to play. rodman has 7-2. goodluck. having won most of the pot and given how he played most of the night, he did not back out. why shouldn't he? but having 7-2 as cards, why add more money to the pot for your opponent to get? we'll never know.

but here's how it turned out:

the flop was laid-out. that's the first 3 common cards for all players. it turned out to be a Jack, a 10, and a 5. i think. the other player still has the best cards so far. the poker expert commented that he was 60% to win from there. or higher. the next card is called the turn. it was a 2. now, rodman has a pair. the last card is called the river. it was a 10. sealing rodman's victory with a two-pair.

talk about luck. but i think it became luck because he had the balls to play it. and he was doing that the whole night.

he didn't give a d*mn about what people might think. to him, there's no such thing as losing. not because he was always winning. but it' just not in his vocabulary. it's all for charity. he says. i learned a lot from rodman that day.

life is a gamble.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

From The Dalai Lama


1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risks.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remeber that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone everyday.

9. Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it the second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation of your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need

- Rolling Stones

from watching rockstarinxs

the sandman and i

Who would have thought that this will happen in one's lifetime? to have your most favorite author sign a book for you and in your name,

to meet him, be near him, to smell him, and hear him tell a story you haven't heard before, and get some proof for it...hehe

dreams do come true, even the ones you never even imagined.

after all, we all know how to dream but we wouldn't know what a good thing is until we get it.

"these days, i'm just expecting the sun to come up."

- venus williams
after winning a grand slam at wimbledon this year

horoscopes

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 - Feb 19 SINO ang taong gusto mong kapiling habang panahon? Mag-isip ka nang mabuti bago sumagot, dahil isang salita mo lang, agad na kikilos ang langit upang ikaw ay ayunan. Masuwerteng kulay - pink; Masuwerteng numero - 4, 13, 26, 34, 38 at 40.

p. 13 BULGAR Hunyo 28, 2005


"ayokong maniwala sa horoscope. pero, sige, pwede na rin..."


ARIES: Kailangan mong magrelaks. Mapapagod ka sa paglipat ng gamit. Pero nang dahil sa paglapit ng planetang Benus sa Mars, may manlilibre sa yong Aquarius ngayong araw. Alam niyang naubos ang pera mo sa MNG nung nakaraang byernes hanggang linggo. Ayan ay kung papayag ka. Kung hindi, maaring di na kayo magkita muli. Ayyy.


Isa na namang mahiwagang agahan kasama si Vince at Jim at sa ngayong pagkakataon, sa Mister Donut naman. Ok lang na pangit ang chicken turnover...

sayang...nalungkot si Jim at umuwi nang bigo.

breakfast on a whim

.
soundtripping again. ang ganda pala talaga ng yahoo!launchcast station ko. got reunited (peaches and herb) with michael mcdonald, al green, marvin gaye, john mayer, norah jones, etc. now, this is what i've been looking for...

today's the 3rd time i had a hearty breakfast on a whim with a specific set of my new friends (uhmm...well...relatively new friends) at work and it feels like home. i've been missing my groups of friends for the past 2 months. it's a mystery why i don't ask them out. i've been enjoying going out with 1 good friend every weekend and just enjoying good food and good cinemas (take note: not movies, cinemas hehe may lazy-boy chairs sa gateway, araneta center wuw!) and it never occurred to me even once to invite my group of friends out. it's probabaly because i know the answer. or do i?

anyway, it was pancake house breakfast for the second time. the first was on the second time we ever thought of having breakfast on a whim. haaay. kahit sa pagsusulat ko, nadadala ko pa rin ang "10 na lang para 7" na sa office pa nanggagaling na bilangan.

let's make it chronological. 1) breakfast at hotshots with sunshine and ann; 2) breakfast with vince at burger king greenbelt 1; 3) breakfast at burger king greenbelt 1 with vince, jim, corey, geb, and francis; 4) bre-- teka, ba't ako sulat ng sulat ng breakfast?! meron bang hinde?--pancake house, valero st. with vince, jim, and corey; 5) figaro, salcedo st. with vince and jim; 6) pancake house greenbelt 1 with vince, jim, and corey today. if you know how to count, you'd know who i like having breakfast with.

no. 5 was the best i've had so far. not only did it go on to lunch at NSG and game 3 of NBA finals, it did wonders for me. i wanted to write again. i got to have a good conversation in a group about nothing again. it made me look forward to something again. best of all, the destination did not matter. getting there did.

and these, are what came out of it...

Version 1
Figaro 9:20 AM

38 minutes 46 seconds before the MNG store opens. ruby is smoking her last cigarette, drinking her cup empty, waiting. just this saturday, she found herself inside the store and saw me. it was love at first sight.strange. never spared a glance at me before. now, i'm still here, waiting. she thinks i'll look better on you but she'll take a chance. she knows i will surely warm you up on a rainy day.

Love,
MNG white jacket


Version 2
NSG 10:10 AM

38 minutes 46 seconds after the MNG store opened. ruby should have been asleep by now and yet, she's still tapping on the keyboard, sending her last email, waiting. just this saturday, she found herself inside the store and saw me. it was love at first sight.strange. never spared a glance at me before. now, i'm still here, waiting. she thinks i'll look better on you but she'll take a chance. she knows i will surely warm you up on a rainy day.

Love,
MNG white jacket

pagod

lahat ng mga pc dito sa office, pagod na pagod. naka-standby lang parati. mula sa kasama kong si virgil na katabi ko na naman.

siguro nga ganun din lang ako. sa wakas ay bumigay na rin ang katawan ko. kakagaling ko lang sa sakit at wala pa dapat akong balak umabsent kaso lang nawalan na talaga ako ng boses kaya ayun, sa kaunaunahang pagkakataon ay di ako pumasok at nag-call-in na lamang, labag man sa kalooban ko. di rin ako dapat papasok ngayon pero ewan ko at napabangon pa rin ako kahit naisip ko na ang dahilan sa hindi pagtrabaho. nag-iba na talaga ako. buti at nakakahanap pa rin ako ng dahilan sa pagbangon tuwing hapon kahit wala.

wala.

wala na naman akong nakikitang maganda sa buhay ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. mahirap ang makalimot.

natuwa naman ako't nabasa ko ulit ang blog mo, peng. natawa ako sa hindi bastos mong boypren. hehe at ikinagagalak kong mag-u-up baguio ang kapatid mo. pero inggit ako. inggit dahil wala akong bagong nadidiskubreng kanta na makakabago sa araw ko.

sumaya lang ako nitong nakaraang linggo dahil nakakain ako ng masarap na breakfast sa pancake house. french toast at best tacos in town. sana maulit muli yun. hmmm makakain nga ng hapunan dun ngayon...

malamang pagod lang ako. sana masilayan ko ulit ang mga dahilan kung bakit ako masaya, kung bakit ako nag-iba. alam ko hindi kakulangan ito. nakalimot lang ako. nabubulag na naman. sana saglit lang.

naka-standby lang din siguro ako.

Guard is my witness

'
nothing happens overnight. everything else doesn't.

(so, if you want something to happen to you, be patient. and patience is a virgil. hehehe)

Mula sa "Maraming dahilan pero ang dahilan ko ay ikaw."

By Marian Hernandez, PDI, May 4, 2005, Section F1


Hindi ko mabilang ang mga araw na binulungan ko ang Diyos para alagaan ka higit pa sa makakayanan kong gawin. Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin na hindi sapat ang pag-ibig lamang. Ngunit hindi rin masama na umapaw ito. Tulad ng pag-apaw nito sa ating mga labi, daliri, balat, titig, ugat, salita at ngiti.

Ikaw lang ang nakatagpo sa tunay na ako. At hindi ka umatras o ngangahas lumayo, lalo ka pang ngang lumapit para tignan pa ako nang malinaw, sinta. Mas malinaw sa inakala mo'y malinaw na pagkilala mo sa akin.

Ikaw ang nakakaalam ng bawat hibla ng aking pagkatao, dahil sa'yo, hindi ako natatakot. Hindi ko lang ramdam ang pagmamahal, alam ko pa ito. Alam na alam. Kilalang-kilala. Tulad ng pagkilala ko sa mga kakulangan mong hindi bumabawas sa'yo, bagkus lalo pang dumaragdag sa iyong kagandahan.

Sana'y hindi mo lang alam, ramdam mo pa ito. Sana'y kilala mo rin ako.

and introducing...

it was part luck and part good decision. somehow, i was firm enough not to join my first friends at work in their 2am - 11am shift. i insisted in getting the 9pm - 6am shift. as it turned out, i became part of the most crazy and most fun team in our account, later known as:

TEAM BANGALORE (Off to Bangalore, 7May2005)

(Ruffles, Corey, Jim, Geb, Ann, Sunshine, Jayvee, Francis)

(George Stregan Jr.)

(Baby Bear : taking the picture hehe hapi bertdey!)

(Next Stop: Sri Lanka!)

*sigh

i always say, i'll know when i'm ready for a lifetime when it comes. i thought it has. but i guess, i'm not ready yet...

An April Fool

went down to
catch the elevator.
And in between,
the small talk and
the laughter, wished,
I'm not the only
April fool
tonight...

360 degrees

it took me about 360 days to turn my life around...what a thought...

"swept away"

going down the elevator of my office building has always been a treat. not only am i going to a place where i can smoke but i also get to hear the sounds of the guards of the graveyard shift. if i get lucky, i share the elevator with someone...

I never had anything happen so fast
I took one look and I shattered like glass
I guess I let it show 'cause your smile told me you knew
That you're everything I ever wanted at once
There's no holding this heart when it knows what it wants
And I never wanted anything more than to know you

I was swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away

And so it begins
This journey of love
The summer wind carries us to places all our own
The words of a look
The language of touch
The way that you want me means so much
And I never wanted anything more than to love you

Seeing my tomorrows in your eyes
I was swept away

I hope I wake up soon
I'm a victim of that crazy moon

The very first time you said my name
I knew it would never sound the same
Something about me is changed forever

text message from a friend:

(from a book she read)

there's no use in loving someone you can only wake up to by chance.

Norah Jones Live!

Araneta Coliseum March 12, 2005

i forgot to put an entry for this...

i want to wake up with the rain
falling on a tin roof
while i'm safe there in your arms

so, all i ask is for you to...

norah jones sang about 20 songs straight without intermission, including my favorite song, humble me. i just wish i can watch her perform again in smaller venue while drinking wine by candlelight...

Ever had the exact same dream twice?

(yeah, that's what i thought so, too.)

after 2 months,

i finally knew what to tell the jeepney driver when he'd ask me where i would go down.

for the longest time, i knew where i was going. i just couldn't tell other people, who didn't know, where it is exactly. i guess, now, i can.

On Written on the Body

As Jeanette Winterson puts it.

I wanted to look again, (I am always looking again) at love's ability to shatter and heal simultaneously. Loving someone else destroys our ideas of who we are and what we want. Priorities change, friends change, houses change, we change. Part of the strangeness of being human is our need of boundaries, parameters, definitions, explanations, and our need for them to be overturned. For most people, only the positives of love and faith (and a child is both), or the negatives of disaster and disease, achieve this. Death comes too late. The final shattering affects others, but not ourselves.

Why is the measure of love...loss?

and when will i ever get it right?

"this year"

watched serendipity, again, this morning before sleeping, so, here's the song of the day:
by chantal kreviazuk

This year,
is gonna be incredible
This year,
is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year,
I'm gonna have fun
This year,
I'll paint my masterpiece
This year,
I'll be recognized
I can feel like I'll fall in love for real
This year,
this year
January,
I'll learn to fly
February,
love's gonna find me
March, April, May,
I'll get carried away
Oh, oh...
This year,
I'll reach the pinnacle
This year,
I'll get to the top
People will ask where she gets that energy
This year,
I'm never gonna stop
January,
I'll learn to fly
February,
love's gonna find me
March, April, May,
I'll get carried away
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
This year,
is gonna be incredible
This year,
is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year,
I'm gonna have fun
I'm gonna have fun
Just watch me now
This year...

text message for a friend who's feeling blue:

get some rest. then, start your day like it's a totally new day, like it's the only day of the year. that way, you don't bring the bad things from yesterday and also, you can make sure tomorrow's gonna be ok.

it has been a mystery to me how to do what Ralph Waldo Emerson had written to write it on your heart like it's the last day of the year.

now, i can.

dem subic extreme adventure

dem back in 1994 with asti spumanti.


11 years later, still with joey cuervo, and still at it.

it was a great weekend. my back is still sore.

coming off from work at 6am last saturday morning, i went home then caught the 8:30am bus to olongapo city. still without sleep, i managed to eat my fave shredded sweet corn in double happiness (pangalan pa lang, champion na!), get to olongapo in one piece (take note: not two-piece, hehe), met up with dem and s.o.'s (first overnight w/ boyfriends), and went straight to subic extreme adventure beside j.e.s.t. (jungle survival camp).

we immediately saw the hanging bridge and tried our luck crossing it (grabe, fear factor ito!). there were pics of other activities, unfortunately, walk-ins are limited to 2 hanging bridges + 3 zip lines. only 5 of us went on to do it. the first zip line wasn't that exciting but the long bridge after that was (buti na lang! dapat pa naka-connect ka dun sa cable kasi pag nahulog ka, gudlak sa yo).

after us was another group. at may isang merlie na nag-iinarte. sigaw ng sigaw. aaah manong ayoko aaaah wag nyo akong bitawan pleeeease! and finally, when she let go, she shouted, aaaaaaaahhh ay, ang saraaaap! bwiset! sarap itulak. good thing we were tied to a tree, like dogs. hehehe

the long zip line and the zip line going for the ground felt a lot better but my back snapped. hey, it was worth it. try it out at least once in your lifetime.

and what's the catch?-- the free trek going up. in every step, my knee met with my chin. uhuh no kidding. no wonder we got hungry afterwards. and so, we went straight to our fave cafe in subic and ate nacho grande, 1 pasta, and a huge pizza (you want proof?!). hehehe

we took our time, laughed at our pics, and went for go-kart racing at 7pm (me still without sleep. maglulupasay na sana ako sa bleachers). what can i say? i felt the need, the need for speed. it was a race and i won! hehehe at about 40kph. for karting, i know that's fast and it was definitely a treat to those who didn't join us.

tired...and hungry again, we went back to our hosts' apartment and finally, i slept. and woke up with joey cuervo. hehehe di pa ako bote pare, lah-shing pa!!!

at an average age of 26, it was as if we were kids again.

i feel so alive... just the way i like it.

Running out of by-the-way's...

what else is there to say?

wala ka na naman today.

russian buttons, bachelor's buttons, cornflower...

this flower by any other name would still smell as sweet.



cheers to the flower of friendships. happy russian button feast, dem!

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me- the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and unsuspected
turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods-
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house-, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,-
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and, startled,
gave back my too-sudden image. Who knows?
perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...

Rainer Maria Rilke

(Translated by Stephen Mitchell)


you do find things you need (and want) when you least expect them...

My fortune cookie says:

The road to happiness is finding contentment with what you have.


i will patiently live my life one small miracle at a time.

(about a hundred down, and millions to go...)

Best Birthday Greeting

happy b-day! pinagluto kita ng cake, kinain namin agad. tink yu! ~inday puns

11 years of friendship, loves lost, loves gained, and then some

All for dem, more for us.

you'd know you're starting to be mature when all cliches about the good things in life start to make sense.

small world in floor 31

started working a few days ago...

my batchmate at work, with whom i've been hitching a ride going home, has a cousin staying at a terminal beside my blogger friend mowna, who knows some of my schoolmates in high school, on the 31st floor where my work account is. whew!

yey!

my final interviewer put me in the right space. same floor as hers.

the world is a happier place.

dahil bangag

wala lang. good vibes part II lang. hehe

eto ako. nagbablag na bangag. bukas na ngayon. pero wala pa ring araw. at gising pa ako. nasa internet shop naghihintay ng alas-sais. para makasakay. para makatulog. pasalamat sa ym. at pasalamat kay mowna.

pagod. sa kakatawa.

o ano? sa biyernes ulit, brad? uh, sabado na pala. hehe

good vibes may! good vibes hon! good vibes tayong lahat!

weird, creepy, or just plain fatal attraction?

a thought occurred to me yesterday. i have no unfinished business, with anyone or with myself. i can die anytime and i can die happy and contented.

or so i thought.

just then, i realized i wanted to do something ridiculous. someone i have been wanting to meet with (in my dreams hehe) is just 6 e-mail adds away. i have yet to unlock the names database.

today, i did.

that someone is now an e-mail away. which brings me to my present predicament:

what do i write? heehee

what's with the magic 3?

i say

on your first, you learn you're good enough to be loved...

for your second, you actually want to be better...

with your last love, you are at your best.

you know what fate is? it's building a bridge of chance for the one you love

- My Sassy Girl, 2001


First, don't ask her to be feminine.

Second, don't let her drink more than three glasses.
She'll hit someone.

If she hits you, act like it hurts.
If it hurts, act like it doesn't.

Also, be prepared to go to prison sometimes.

At a cafe, order coffee. not coke or juice.

If her feet hurts, exchange shoes with her.

On your 100th day, bring her a rose in her class.
She'll like it.

Finally, she loves to write.
Encourage her.

kahit anong sitwasyon ka man ilagay, kahit saang lugar, kahit sino man ang kasama mo, o kahit wala ni isa, kung masaya ka talaga, masaya ka talaga.

what could be worse? a long-distance e-mail for celeste

what could be worse than a long-distance relationship? a long-distance break-up.

and all break-ups are ugly. as james ingram puts it, there's no easy way. be it sex-and-the-city post-it kind, a long-letter kind, it's-not-you-it's-me kind, or the e-mail kind. one of my college friends got an e-mail. all she could ask us was, iyak na lang ako?

oo, pre. iyak mo na muna yan. cry as long as it takes. but remember, you'll stop crying sooner or later. dedma na sa later as long as you know you will stop crying. i guess right now, for you there seems to be no consolation...

i've just been through one myself, you see. and i remember crying for two months straight until the tears dried out. it's been almost a year since and when you think about it, logically, i'm not better-off. i still don't have a job, i've been a drifter welcoming all invites for a sleepover (one can say i've been sleeping around! hehe) and so, i'm homeless and penniless. and yes, maybe i've gone a bit crazy.

but i am not alone and i am not hopeless. and certainly, i haven't lost myself. tragic as it may seem, the truth is, i am serenely happy. i don't know how or why it happened. all i know is that, by some miracle, i have never been better and in an absurd way, i've learned how to love the most that i can, so far.

i wish you the same kind of miracle. to know in your gut that you will be all right, to feel that you are not hope-less, to realize that you still have the other things that also matter the most-- your family, your friends, and your self-- and to be able to let go. live to love another another day. because, let's face it, we just don't die of a broken heart.

hang in there. i'm sure you know i'm not the only one who is more than willing to listen or to do whatever i can. i hope that thought in itself is enough to make you feel (even the slightest) better.

just think, when this chapter of your life ends, everything else will be a walk in the park. what could be worse than that? ;)

exchanging i don'ts

having another sex and city hangover...

an old couple are arguing about the subway. miranda and steve stopped drinking their beers to listen.

for the future, i don't want to become that
ok, i don't want you to worry about becoming that
ok, i won't. anything else we don't want?
yeah. yeah, i don't want you paying for these beers
i'm serious. your turn
ok, i don't want to be your mother
i don't want to slack off like i used to
i don't want you to be so moody
i don't want to lose you again
even if i screw up all the other stuff
that's the one that matters
i don't want to lose you either
will you marry me?
hell, yeah!

"some couples have to say their i don'ts before they can ever imagine saying their i do's."

of conquering europe and great loves

meeting at powerbooks. which one? hehe we got separated into 2 groups. G3 and G4. hehehe ate lunch at chili's. talking non-stop. coffee bean and tea leaf. still talking non-stop. watch sex and the city in the flesh. everyone stopped to listen whenever a term was given more emphasis than others. hehe

one of us is going back to slovakia the day after and is on a mission to finally get some vikings when she gets there. one more and she has a soccer team.

quote of the day: sige na nga! sige na, sige na! hehehe

our other friend needs one more to get a basketball team.

what seems to be so amazing about real friends is that when you do get together after a long time, it still feels as if you were together the day before but with lots to talk about, covering a year of being apart.

it's really probably time to talk about great loves. at our age. we say, if peng gets married, we're all in trouble and we'll all be in panic. she used to be just watching in the bleachers but now, she's sprinting ahead most of us. hehe

so thrilled about a boracay trip this year. peng, uwi ka ng december for a very good reason!!! well... that's an understatement. hehe can't wait! what to wear?! what to wear?! hehe finally, one of us is losing the bet but winning all the way.

some of us get lucky. some... get luckier! hehehe

"good vibes"

i will surely be smiling til new year. yes, not this new year but the next.

year-enders...year-starters...11 friends...continuously...on two occassions...that's day and mostly nights...locations unlikely...good conversations, good vibes.

my wandering has brought me yet another amazing episode. started earlier than usual. 2 bar/resto in 1 corner. 2 friends per bar/resto. a number of acquaintances, familiar or otherwise. laughing the whole time. soccer dude and a big turn-off. shut up. reminiscing. listening to great music. and accidentally singing in front of a crowd. don't know why, sway, to be with you.

i'm having the time of my life. in fact, this is the time of my life.

*separate your pinky & ring finger from your middle & index finger in open-faced palm. to form the letter V. yeah, you got it right. then, give a smug smile. yeah. good vibes!

"white flag"

one of my friends called me in my time of need. panic rushing, i was about to do something i haven't done in a while. something i refuse to do.

later in the day, i sent a message. i said "i hope to see you soon. i get the feeling i had to do something some time. and so far, you're the only one who almost made me..."

meeting in smiles and greeting with hugs, i finally did what i had anticipated. i cried.

bravery does indeed require some degree of ignorance.

wandering

i've been dating a number of my friends for the past couple of days to end the passed year in earnest and start the year in earnest.

my second date and i found ourselves riding through streets we usually did not take in joyrides we have done before. and yet, we are going somewhere we have already gone to. and somewhere in the middle of suddenly turning left in a street behind a mall, we realized we were facing counterflows head-on. was this made a one-way street? finding no cars in front and no cars behind didn't help at all. reaching a flyover still alive, we knew we used to take roads other than these. did you feel the rush? we felt the rush and laughter ensued. *sigh

after the fifth date, in between drinking iced tea, smoking, being seduced by vittoria vetra, and taking a dump, i realized i was some where strangely familiar but definitely foreign. riding a jeepney hours later, i knew this wasn't the first time i've been there. it was just the first time i moved in that direction.

whatever happened to my towels?