my latest acquisition

i am resigned to the fact that i won't be able to watch the swing out sister concert next week so i decided to give myself the usual kind of reward: another neil gaiman book, which i haven't read before. it's funny but the theme is timely, too. in 1999, a filmmaker, who is dying, makes his last film about the impending apocalypse of 999AD. but no one will be able to watch it. he's only making it in his head.

i was only able to digest some of its parts. i think it's too much of dave mckean and less of neil gaiman. i'll read it again 10 years from now. maybe i'll appreciate the whole idea of it then.

wanting

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting."
- Adhemar (Rufus Sewell) in A Knight's Tale

i don't know why every time i watch a period English film, i remember this line. i didn't like the movie much but i do like Rufus Sewell and i have to admit, the line is somewhat unforgettable.

i only knew what "wanting" exactly meant last night, after i watched Pride & Prejudice for the nth time (it's just one of those movies i like watching over and over again), remembered the knight's tale line again, and looked at the dictionary.

then, something clicked. when people ask me how my current job is, i tell them that it's ok and that it's the day job i've always thought i wanted. it's what i've always thought i wanted.

it made me think of something else.

and something else made sense.

one of the most celebrated stories in The Sandman graphic novels, and a personal favorite, is A Midsummer Night's Dream in Vol. 3 Dream County. it is Gaiman's take on the "true" origin behind Shakespeare's play. it won a World Fantasy Award for best short story, the first & last time a comic book was given that honor.

in it, Morpheus said that we humans just don't get it, getting what we want meant getting what we once wanted.

i think i get it now that i am where i am. i'm not saying it's absolutely true. i don't want it to be. i just get it now.

and somehow, in a certain aspect of my life, i would prefer to be surprised.

it's a lot better to say "i know this is what i want," isn't it.

holding back the tears

it's been a day after but every time i remember it, my insides still choke up.

i woke up an hour later than i should have yesterday. i got to the mrt around 9am. i tried to catch the train that was about to leave but it closed before i got to the women/elderly/children section. two people were walking in front of me--a mother and a little girl in school uniform with a walking stick.

i gathered as much but i couldn't believe it until we were sitting across each other in the next available train. what's more, the mother was also holding a baby.

i couldn't take my eyes of them, especially the little girl. she kept her eyes open and she kept on groping for her baby sister's little hands. And she kept on smiling.

i kept on holding back the tears. the thing is, it wasn't just me. five stations later, the mother noticed all the women looking their way. then, she was holding back hers.

i don't know what else to say.

forwarded mail happiness

mga isko at iska, sagot na!

To commemorate our centennial year...
University of the Philippines


1. Student number? 95-04234
2. College? College of Eng'g, OUR College da best! (ofc of the unvi. registrar) then, College of Education, Diliman
3. Ano ang course mo?? What did you Major in? BS ChE, Non-Major, then, BSE Art Ed
4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kick out?/ Did you shift majors/Courses or were you a kicked out of your College? Obvious ba.
5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT? ? Where did you take your entrance examination? Econ
6. Favorite GE subject? (General Education classes) Kas 8 bwahaha
7. Favorite PE? badminton, bowling, & circuit weight training
8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guys/girls sa UP? ? Where do you hang out to check out the hot babes/dudes? CASAA Steps
9. Favorite prof(s)? Favorite Professors? Madami (in short, nakalimutan ko names nila)
10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject/least favorite General Education class? Philo ata
11. Kumuha ka ba ng Saturday classes? / Did you sign up for Saturday classes? Nope
12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?/ Did you join any field Trips? Oo at pers lab never dies din!!! hahaha
13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?/ Were you ever a College Scholar and or a University Scholar? Once just for kicks
14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo? ? What Organization/Fraternity/Sorority were you a member of? streetdance at X-O
15. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay? Did you stay at a dorm, boarding house or did you live at home during college? Kalayaan, Molave, boarding house, Ilang, Masaya, Escaler, Malusog, Matimtiman
16. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun? (Given ang mentality mo nung HS ka)/If you had your way, what was your dream course/major? Film (kung di lang ako pumasang Eng'g tsk tsk)
17. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?/ Who did you first meet at U.P? Di ko maalala
18. Frst play na napanood mo sa UP? sisa/mariaclara/salome ng up tropa nung hs pa
19. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch? CASAA, greenhouse, mang jimmys, beach house, dorm
20. Masaya ba sa UP? Shemps!
21 . Nakasama ka na ba sa rally? Once nung freshman yr against commercialization
22. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council? Teka, ilang taon ba ako sa UP? hehe
23. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka? Effort! Wag na. Nung 4 yrs old lang ata ako nun
24. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka? Mag-a-out-of-school-youth ako. UP lang ang in-apply-an ko e

today and other temporal things

today, i woke up panicking at 10am (which is way earlier than usual). i didn't have load for texting and my friends expected a reply last night. in a few days, they'll finally be married after 10 years of falling in love with each other over and over again.

today, we met with their wedding coordinator (i am to be the reception program host)and bothered with other last minute details. everyone is excited for this coming event that i forgot it was the bride's birthday today. happy birthday bride!

today, i had a leisurely walk around shangri-la mall, a dimsum n dumplings siomai & potato corner barbeque flavored fries late lunch, and a few good reads at powerbooks. apparently, i will have a great 2008 due to jupiter and uranus (yes, it's a planet). it will be a year when i'll be following my dreams and preparing for the fulfillment of these dreams come 2009.

i thought so, too.

today, we had an impromptu birthday dinner at al dente, one of our favorite restaurants in iloilo which found its way to pasig. and honey (not her real name) actually had the guts to get a cab to follow us at 12 midnight. another dear friend managed to get a free plane ticket from jeddah to riyadh, riyadh to manila in time for the wedding. we laughed so hard like we used to.

today, i had the inspiration to write again. i was surprised not to have a violent reaction when i found out that one of my sandman books got a terrible crease. i lovingly read it anyway.

today, i found a long lost song and another bit of me i've been wanting to get back.

postscript

as of this writing, i have submitted my resignation letter. this is how it goes:

"I would like to inform you that I am resigning from my post as an Account Support Analyst for PS, effective August 17.

I really appreciate the support provided me during my tenure and my stay has been fulfilling. However, I feel that it is time to take a break and to break away."

o devah! kahit resignation letter, poetic. ching!

Hear "The Day the Saucers Came" and other short fiction and wonders

Neil Gaiman on ForaTv

I bought "The Sandman Library"

, all 10 volumes of it, and Stardust, and Murder Mysteries, and the 1st (paperback) ed. Smoke and Mirrors, and you get the drift.

you do get some things that you have thought you want and have wanted to think about getting.

i wished my brain were on auto-save. but it isn't. so i will have to wait until all the bits of wisdom come together again if there are, indeed, any.

have you a merry christmas yet?

I read “The Day the Saucers Came”

and other Short fiction and Wonders

So then, I got out of bed and for the first time I found it strange to put on my jeans. In my haste, it was as if it was not the way I had always done it. But I wanted to get up right away. If you’ll read “The Day the Saucers came” you will not wonder and you will not wonder why.

You see, my collection of treasured books has grown in 2 months and I have realized that my favorite author is, indeed, Neil Gaiman, not Neil Gaiman and Jeannette Winterson (both happen to be British authors). I still can’t even spell her first name right. Does it come with two n’s or two t’s or both? It does seem logical that a favorite author of mine should have work I enjoy which isn’t limited to one book, the first few pages of another, and a few quotations. I thought I had begun seriously forming the collection by impulsively buying Winterson’s “Written on the Body,” the book I had claimed over the years as my most favorite, most sought-after novel and one that I would have brought with me if I were stranded on a desert island with three things. (That book, I thought, was a perfect addition to my autographed “Preludes and Nocturnes.” acquired only at the time when Neil Gaiman visited Manila 2 years ago.) But no! I gave it away as simply as I can say enough. Reading it again did not invoke the same emotions as it did or anything that might have come close. Of which, I am truly glad for.

The first set of books I had bought for myself is Nancy Drew Mysteries. Two are still in good condition and one perished in a termite attack. (I had the pleasure of reading them again last summer when I went home.) This was due to the waning number of books left to read at a book club I had a membership in. Yes, I was a member of a book club that requires a school ID, a small registration fee, and a few bucks for rental. I borrowed a lot of “Choose your own adventure,” Archie comic digests, and “Nancy Drew and the case of the missing…” (Fill in the blank). Of course they did not have all the volumes. I was forced to buy one, or two, or three. I promised myself that I’ll get all the Nancy Drew books when I am able to create my own library. I was only 9 then and not really sure how I wanted to have and to hold precious things.

Apparently, it took a long time for me to know better.

Now, I am 27 and I started putting it together in September. The salary I received was bigger than usual and I was itching for a splurge. I don’t remember why that was exactly but perhaps it was due to the fact that I had not granted myself anything as valuable as the Fossil watch I bought the previous year that came with three straps or perhaps I just wanted to have an excuse to stay longer at the mall (Please see the 2 prior entries) or perhaps I just didn’t have anything better to do. I didn’t. For that reason, I was sprawling at a corner in PowerBooks just when it opened after a few hours of hanging around the office which I had the pleasure of doing because I didn’t have to go to work the following day. I lounged on the carpeted floor in between shelves facing the second to the bottom row lined with Sandman Graphic Novels for about an hour. There were eight volumes available, out of ten, and I was bent on purchasing just one. (I do try, lately, to exercise self-control as much as I can, to restrain myself from giving in to all types of impulse which I still have plenty of.)

They were The Sandman Vol. 02: The Doll's House, The Sandman Vol. 03: Dream Country, The Sandman Vol. 04: Season of Mists, The Sandman Vol. 06: Fables and Reflections, The Sandman Vol. 07: Brief Lives, The Sandman Vol. 08: Worlds' End, The Sandman Vol. 09: The Kindly Ones, The Sandman Vol. 10: The Wake.

It was a bit difficult to choose when you’ve been a fan of these books for 14 years but it was also quite obvious what I should buy.


(cont'd. above)

effing shet

today's the day i discovered sheryl crow's new song. it's a duet. with sting. today's the day i shared blogs with chin. we've been friends. for two decades. today's the day she started and finished reading written on the body. and today's the day we had to sit down on the sidewalk. in between smokes she says that this is where the most profound coversations are made. always.

she was screaming, "i want to be with someone!"

chin, being my friend, is, as expected, smart and funny and crazy and independent. the kind of person you'll never have a dull moment with. oh, and did i mention she's crazy?

"what's not to like about chin?," one of her friends blurted out. she can be alone and have the time of her life, let someone in, then let it go, and be alone again to still have the time of her life.

the-finger-effing-words-and-a-flood-of-tears moment later (with hand movements), that friend revealed why she's scary.

"your eyes may fiercely say i love you but you can easily say goodbye."

so i am scary. the bad news is, i'm also scared.

flood of tears! flood of tears!

is there wisdom lost in a pulled tooth?

and other things needing catching up.

have i told you my single, favorite holiday is the holy week?

for as long as i can remember, and i don't remember well anymore, it's the only holiday i truly enjoy. when almost everyone's supposed to reflect and repent, i have fun. but not this year, no.

i have been looking forward to the type of rest that involves a lot of food and a lot of time spent in front of the cable tv meaninglessly and simultaneously after 2 weeks of hell at work, the only solace, of which, is a lot of overtime pay. but i never imagined it would be this hectic when i got home to the province for the holiday.

they got me an early flight last saturday (actually, they just got me tickets regardless of whether i can really go home or not) and then an early appointment with the dentist, which was easy given that she's my 2nd cousin. my older sister was set to try on new dentures she needed to ensure before going to australia.

did i tell you my sister's going to australia? for good.

she's bringing the whole family including my nephew most of my friends know about because he's one of the best ways to measure how long we've graduated from high school.

he just turned 11.

so there i was in the dental chair, fresh from the airport and the first breakfast at home (my favorite: sapsap and spinach) having my wisdom tooth, clinicaly known as the 3rd molar, pulled out. apparently, there was a really big hole in it and nerves were exposed so bad that the mere flick of my tongue makes me want to jump off a cliff. i thought i was done with that.

it still hurts.

five injections, nine ponstan 500s, a trip to bacolod, brunch in maricor at manokan country, going to silay to visit my lola, my only living grandparent (whose size i take after) and to visit my lolo's grave (the reason she's eager to go), the 1st season of House watched in about 24 hours, boiled corn, grilled corn, my favorite ilonggo delicacy, fruits, etc. eaten one by one, another trip to the dentist, four more injections & four more teeth rotting, and 2 house parties later i finally lay down in front of the tv, eating myself away.

did i tell you i'm a house addict?

gregory house, m.d. is abrasive and sarcastic, a briliant mind but a relationship moron. when i grow up, i want to be just like him.

it's been a long time since i've heard my yahoo! launchcast station. for some reason, it doesn't work in netopia greenbelt. but it does sound great in netopia robinsons place iloilo and netopia sm city iloilo.

honestly, i really wish i were in bora instead.

for some weird reason, and i have a lot in mind, something tells me i'm going to have a great christmas holiday this year.