wanting

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting."
- Adhemar (Rufus Sewell) in A Knight's Tale

i don't know why every time i watch a period English film, i remember this line. i didn't like the movie much but i do like Rufus Sewell and i have to admit, the line is somewhat unforgettable.

i only knew what "wanting" exactly meant last night, after i watched Pride & Prejudice for the nth time (it's just one of those movies i like watching over and over again), remembered the knight's tale line again, and looked at the dictionary.

then, something clicked. when people ask me how my current job is, i tell them that it's ok and that it's the day job i've always thought i wanted. it's what i've always thought i wanted.

it made me think of something else.

and something else made sense.

one of the most celebrated stories in The Sandman graphic novels, and a personal favorite, is A Midsummer Night's Dream in Vol. 3 Dream County. it is Gaiman's take on the "true" origin behind Shakespeare's play. it won a World Fantasy Award for best short story, the first & last time a comic book was given that honor.

in it, Morpheus said that we humans just don't get it, getting what we want meant getting what we once wanted.

i think i get it now that i am where i am. i'm not saying it's absolutely true. i don't want it to be. i just get it now.

and somehow, in a certain aspect of my life, i would prefer to be surprised.

it's a lot better to say "i know this is what i want," isn't it.