Rerun

there are two states of man: love and a call for love. it is with the latter that requires more bravery.

- from Everwood

some people may say i am brave, some may say i'm pathetic. either way, i don't know how to stop myself from waiting for some sort of miracle. i hear it happens everyday. in millions maybe. without any of us even noticing it. did we, ever?

my friend told me it's so infuriating to think that some men have 2, 3, maybe even 4 women all at the same time. he says he's not asking for 2 or 3 or 4. he wants just one. just one...

if i can't have the one i truly love, can he have his, instead? one of us is bound to get hurt, so they say. i think that's a load of crap. two of us is bound to be genuinely and truly happy. and if other miracles happen at the same time, 2 is such a small number.

how can i be so sure there is one who will truly love me, you ask. i say, because i know i can. truly love another. and how many people are there in the world? there must be at least one for each of us. but i'm not asking for 2 or 3 or 4. like my friend, i want just one. just one...

the chances are miniscule, said hugh grant. well, miniscule doesn't diminish the fact that there is a chance.

forgive me but i am as bound to hope as much as i am bound to my breathing. and love, i don't ask anything of you. i just wish you are genuinely happy. and i've been praying that you are truly loved. i am specifically waiting for that miracle.

some people may say i am brave, some may say i'm pathetic. either way, i don't know how to stop myself from waiting for some sort of miracle. i hear it happens everyday. may we all have eyes to see it all more clearly this coming year.

4 weddings and a slow death.

what a year it has been...may we all face the coming year with our head high and our spirits--higher. most bad things never last. and, with faith, hope, and love, some good things never fade.

"vulnerable"

I won't cry anymore, now that you've left me
I won't cry anymore, now that you're gone
I've shed a million tears since we're apart
But tears can never mend a broken heart

I won't sigh anymore, I'll just forget you
And I'm closing the door of memories
Though you're the one love that my arms are longin' for
This is goodbye, I won't cry anymore

- Marvin Gaye

unexpected sidewalk comfort

i just came out of the church. saw a very old (but still agile) man looking at me as i was walking towards him. could not discern his facial expression at first. suddenly, as i walk past him, he said,

"ang lungkot ng christmas natin, neng."

i paused. then looked back. and smiled. he was smiling at me.

"oo nga po, eh."

"ay talaga namang ang hirap ngayon..."

''gaganda din yan manong kasi pangit ngayon."

"dadating din...oo, tiis lang."

"hintay lang tayo manong."

hintay lang tayo, manong. salamat po.

WHENEVER YOU FEEL LOST... THIS IS THE POEM

In This Moment

In this moment,this precious, eternal
twinkling of an eye,
rests all of Heaven
waiting only for you to realize.
If you were meant to be someplace other than
where you are right now, this moment, you would be there now…

Instead, you are here- now.

How simple it all is-
this play of consciousness.
You are the storyteller, pen in hand,
you are the pages waiting to be filled,
you are casting yourself as the main character,
you have written the ending before ever beginning.

The road you are on is the right road.
If it were not, you would be traveling another.
Once you are silent and still and accept being here-
now,you are free to take any road you wish.

from the pages of Isiah knows nothing

una canción desesperada

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.

Escribir, por ejemplo: "La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos".

El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.

En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.

Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.

Oir la noche inmensa, más inmensa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.

Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.

La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.

De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.

-Pablo Neruda

what is so great about love? i can never explain. but reading this poem again makes me certain-- love does transcend language.

if only i knew how that can be done...

almost, but not quite

i almost forgot what it's like to feel alive again. i almost forgot what it was i strongly believed in coming back here in the city where i've now spent most of my life in. i almost forgot most of the things in my life that are really worth living for. i almost forgot to keep holding on to my faith. i almost forgot about the only person who can really make me happy. and i almost forgot to take care for her. most of all, i almost forgot to dream.

i almost gave in to a gnawing disappointment. and i almost gave up. i'm not about to let that happen again.

they say in these situations, one can never have a graceful exit. let me prove you otherwise.

i don't know where i'm going. but i'm on my way. for all we know, i'm there all ready. almost.

just you wait. just you wait.

in a state of "emotional drunkenness"

(as jhera puts it)

"you don't have to think about love-- either you feel it or you don't."