russian buttons, bachelor's buttons, cornflower...

this flower by any other name would still smell as sweet.



cheers to the flower of friendships. happy russian button feast, dem!

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me- the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and unsuspected
turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods-
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house-, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,-
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and, startled,
gave back my too-sudden image. Who knows?
perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...

Rainer Maria Rilke

(Translated by Stephen Mitchell)


you do find things you need (and want) when you least expect them...

My fortune cookie says:

The road to happiness is finding contentment with what you have.


i will patiently live my life one small miracle at a time.

(about a hundred down, and millions to go...)

Best Birthday Greeting

happy b-day! pinagluto kita ng cake, kinain namin agad. tink yu! ~inday puns

11 years of friendship, loves lost, loves gained, and then some

All for dem, more for us.

you'd know you're starting to be mature when all cliches about the good things in life start to make sense.

small world in floor 31

started working a few days ago...

my batchmate at work, with whom i've been hitching a ride going home, has a cousin staying at a terminal beside my blogger friend mowna, who knows some of my schoolmates in high school, on the 31st floor where my work account is. whew!

yey!

my final interviewer put me in the right space. same floor as hers.

the world is a happier place.

dahil bangag

wala lang. good vibes part II lang. hehe

eto ako. nagbablag na bangag. bukas na ngayon. pero wala pa ring araw. at gising pa ako. nasa internet shop naghihintay ng alas-sais. para makasakay. para makatulog. pasalamat sa ym. at pasalamat kay mowna.

pagod. sa kakatawa.

o ano? sa biyernes ulit, brad? uh, sabado na pala. hehe

good vibes may! good vibes hon! good vibes tayong lahat!

weird, creepy, or just plain fatal attraction?

a thought occurred to me yesterday. i have no unfinished business, with anyone or with myself. i can die anytime and i can die happy and contented.

or so i thought.

just then, i realized i wanted to do something ridiculous. someone i have been wanting to meet with (in my dreams hehe) is just 6 e-mail adds away. i have yet to unlock the names database.

today, i did.

that someone is now an e-mail away. which brings me to my present predicament:

what do i write? heehee

what's with the magic 3?

i say

on your first, you learn you're good enough to be loved...

for your second, you actually want to be better...

with your last love, you are at your best.

you know what fate is? it's building a bridge of chance for the one you love

- My Sassy Girl, 2001


First, don't ask her to be feminine.

Second, don't let her drink more than three glasses.
She'll hit someone.

If she hits you, act like it hurts.
If it hurts, act like it doesn't.

Also, be prepared to go to prison sometimes.

At a cafe, order coffee. not coke or juice.

If her feet hurts, exchange shoes with her.

On your 100th day, bring her a rose in her class.
She'll like it.

Finally, she loves to write.
Encourage her.

kahit anong sitwasyon ka man ilagay, kahit saang lugar, kahit sino man ang kasama mo, o kahit wala ni isa, kung masaya ka talaga, masaya ka talaga.

what could be worse? a long-distance e-mail for celeste

what could be worse than a long-distance relationship? a long-distance break-up.

and all break-ups are ugly. as james ingram puts it, there's no easy way. be it sex-and-the-city post-it kind, a long-letter kind, it's-not-you-it's-me kind, or the e-mail kind. one of my college friends got an e-mail. all she could ask us was, iyak na lang ako?

oo, pre. iyak mo na muna yan. cry as long as it takes. but remember, you'll stop crying sooner or later. dedma na sa later as long as you know you will stop crying. i guess right now, for you there seems to be no consolation...

i've just been through one myself, you see. and i remember crying for two months straight until the tears dried out. it's been almost a year since and when you think about it, logically, i'm not better-off. i still don't have a job, i've been a drifter welcoming all invites for a sleepover (one can say i've been sleeping around! hehe) and so, i'm homeless and penniless. and yes, maybe i've gone a bit crazy.

but i am not alone and i am not hopeless. and certainly, i haven't lost myself. tragic as it may seem, the truth is, i am serenely happy. i don't know how or why it happened. all i know is that, by some miracle, i have never been better and in an absurd way, i've learned how to love the most that i can, so far.

i wish you the same kind of miracle. to know in your gut that you will be all right, to feel that you are not hope-less, to realize that you still have the other things that also matter the most-- your family, your friends, and your self-- and to be able to let go. live to love another another day. because, let's face it, we just don't die of a broken heart.

hang in there. i'm sure you know i'm not the only one who is more than willing to listen or to do whatever i can. i hope that thought in itself is enough to make you feel (even the slightest) better.

just think, when this chapter of your life ends, everything else will be a walk in the park. what could be worse than that? ;)

exchanging i don'ts

having another sex and city hangover...

an old couple are arguing about the subway. miranda and steve stopped drinking their beers to listen.

for the future, i don't want to become that
ok, i don't want you to worry about becoming that
ok, i won't. anything else we don't want?
yeah. yeah, i don't want you paying for these beers
i'm serious. your turn
ok, i don't want to be your mother
i don't want to slack off like i used to
i don't want you to be so moody
i don't want to lose you again
even if i screw up all the other stuff
that's the one that matters
i don't want to lose you either
will you marry me?
hell, yeah!

"some couples have to say their i don'ts before they can ever imagine saying their i do's."

of conquering europe and great loves

meeting at powerbooks. which one? hehe we got separated into 2 groups. G3 and G4. hehehe ate lunch at chili's. talking non-stop. coffee bean and tea leaf. still talking non-stop. watch sex and the city in the flesh. everyone stopped to listen whenever a term was given more emphasis than others. hehe

one of us is going back to slovakia the day after and is on a mission to finally get some vikings when she gets there. one more and she has a soccer team.

quote of the day: sige na nga! sige na, sige na! hehehe

our other friend needs one more to get a basketball team.

what seems to be so amazing about real friends is that when you do get together after a long time, it still feels as if you were together the day before but with lots to talk about, covering a year of being apart.

it's really probably time to talk about great loves. at our age. we say, if peng gets married, we're all in trouble and we'll all be in panic. she used to be just watching in the bleachers but now, she's sprinting ahead most of us. hehe

so thrilled about a boracay trip this year. peng, uwi ka ng december for a very good reason!!! well... that's an understatement. hehe can't wait! what to wear?! what to wear?! hehe finally, one of us is losing the bet but winning all the way.

some of us get lucky. some... get luckier! hehehe

"good vibes"

i will surely be smiling til new year. yes, not this new year but the next.

year-enders...year-starters...11 friends...continuously...on two occassions...that's day and mostly nights...locations unlikely...good conversations, good vibes.

my wandering has brought me yet another amazing episode. started earlier than usual. 2 bar/resto in 1 corner. 2 friends per bar/resto. a number of acquaintances, familiar or otherwise. laughing the whole time. soccer dude and a big turn-off. shut up. reminiscing. listening to great music. and accidentally singing in front of a crowd. don't know why, sway, to be with you.

i'm having the time of my life. in fact, this is the time of my life.

*separate your pinky & ring finger from your middle & index finger in open-faced palm. to form the letter V. yeah, you got it right. then, give a smug smile. yeah. good vibes!

"white flag"

one of my friends called me in my time of need. panic rushing, i was about to do something i haven't done in a while. something i refuse to do.

later in the day, i sent a message. i said "i hope to see you soon. i get the feeling i had to do something some time. and so far, you're the only one who almost made me..."

meeting in smiles and greeting with hugs, i finally did what i had anticipated. i cried.

bravery does indeed require some degree of ignorance.

wandering

i've been dating a number of my friends for the past couple of days to end the passed year in earnest and start the year in earnest.

my second date and i found ourselves riding through streets we usually did not take in joyrides we have done before. and yet, we are going somewhere we have already gone to. and somewhere in the middle of suddenly turning left in a street behind a mall, we realized we were facing counterflows head-on. was this made a one-way street? finding no cars in front and no cars behind didn't help at all. reaching a flyover still alive, we knew we used to take roads other than these. did you feel the rush? we felt the rush and laughter ensued. *sigh

after the fifth date, in between drinking iced tea, smoking, being seduced by vittoria vetra, and taking a dump, i realized i was some where strangely familiar but definitely foreign. riding a jeepney hours later, i knew this wasn't the first time i've been there. it was just the first time i moved in that direction.

whatever happened to my towels?